Monday, July 4, 2016
I'm the Problem? Whhhaatttt?
When I made the conscious decision to stop dating all together, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I just wasn't emotionally in the right place to make good decisions. So I quit.
I immediately started working on the house and my career. That's what I do. I go into a hyperfocus and I'm good at what I do. When I am passionate about a goal, I can throw every waking moment and even my dreams into this one purpose, this vision. It consumes me night and day, until all of a sudden, out of the blue, I am completely bored with it. It's not a slow burn, its a back draft until I burn out every possible source of heat.
This happened about a year ago. My hyperfocus on painting the entire house came to a stand still. The thought of opening a paint can, spreading out the plastic and cleaning painting brushes made me physically sick. So I started projects on the exterior of my house, the fence, the deck, the shed.
Today, the master bedroom remains untouched, unloved and a constant reminder to me that I have work that needs to be done, put off, and incomplete. It would take a good week to complete the master bedroom and bath. I could find the time to do it, but can't seem to find the motivation.
I had a closing with a great couple last week who I admire very much. At the walk through the night before, they were discussing what needed to be done to their new house, and immediately started to organize a strategy for accomplishing the plan, discussing who would deal with each detail and established a deadline for completion of the project. WOW! I thought, "if only I had met someone early in life that was my friend, my lover and my partner, how much more could I have accomplished in my lifetime?"
Now wait a minute.................if these two were single, they would most likely have approached the plan on their own in the same manner. Right?
Well crap, that means that if I had met the most perfect mate, it wouldn't have changed who I am.I would most likely still struggle with the same things I struggle with as single person.
Driving to their closing the next morning, I thought about my previous relationships and I realized that there were many times that I blamed the significant other in my life for some of the things that I had not accomplished. And that's just not fair to someone that you have professed to love. I may or may not have verbally expressed to them that I blamed them, but I'm sure that it affected the relationship.
There were very valid reasons that my marriages ended and that I chose to sever ties. I would not wish to rekindle or rework any past relationships, but I do realize that I contributed to the dissolution.
If not for my decision to just quit dating and spend time on myself, I'm not sure that I would have realized that many of the problems I had in past relationships, I still have outside of a relationship. If I can't resolve them myself, I can't expect someone else to resolve theirs.