The Woman I Aspire to Be at 50

Turning 50 was a huge milestone in my life that I haven't quite become comfortable with.  Physical and mental changes have surfaced in my day to day living that frankly are irritating and distracting commonly in my day to day routine.

Like many women my age, the challenges I faced when married and raising children, then taking the u-turn in the highway and divorcing, raising the children as a single mom and eventually taking another u-turn and watching our children fly on their own have equipped me with the skills to change, alter and adjust.   So I'm just gonna have to pull up my big girl pants and change, alter and adjust to these physical and mental changes.  Losing weight, maintaining the stamina and energy I had in my 40's is........well it's an obstacle that I am gaining traction with and I will contend with.

Okay so, here's the skinny:  There are some immensely meaningful and beautiful things that have happened to me and to other women my age, right now!  I never even understood these concepts when I was 18 and thinking about my future.  The most powerful and inspiring revelation I have had is not about me at all.  I look around at the world today and there are women in business, women CEOs, women politicians, women my age and older in movies and television.  While still the minority in many industries and various positions of power, women with vision, purpose and ambition are visible and tangible.  This source of encouragement wasn't so visible when I was 18.

Several women in our office are involved in the Masterminds of Business networking groups and we all have had the opportunity to stand before the group and present ourselves to other business owners.  Many people are nervous to speak publicly, but when it is my turn, they often have to tell me that my time is up and to sit down and shut up.  (Lol! I admit I get a little excited to have an audience).  At lunch today when everyone was sharing their experience, I said, "It's not that big of a deal and you don't need to be nervous."  Everyone responded back to me, "that's because you don't care what people think of you."  I suppose that's basically true.  I attribute that to my age and to the examples I have had in my life.  Primarily my mother, Kay Van Kampen, started in real estate 30 years ago and 30 years later is part owner of a real estate company, along with my sister, Lina Robertson Jones and several other partners.  Mom is not the only woman real estate agent with a long successful run in this area.  Women real estate agents in the Springfield, Missouri have held positions in the top ten consistently since I joined 13 years ago.  So there are many women in my own industry that I look up to.

The woman I aspired to be at age 18 looks nothing like the woman I strive to be today.

Today I strive to work with my body to appreciate what it does for me, to love myself for who I am, to pay tribute to who I was, what I accomplished and where I am going.  I don't look at my body and myself and strive to alter it to be more pleasing for others, I embrace who I am and cherish the scars and imperfections.  The awkwardness and insecurity of my youth are gone and frankly, they served no helpful purpose in my life.

Would love to hear what inspires you.

I'm the Problem? Whhhaatttt?

When I made the conscious decision to stop dating all together, I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I just wasn't emotionally in the right place to make good decisions.  So I quit.

I immediately started working on the house and my career.  That's what I do. I go into a hyperfocus and I'm good at what I do.  When I am passionate about a goal, I can throw every waking moment and even my dreams into this one purpose, this vision.  It consumes me night and day, until all of a sudden, out of the blue, I am completely bored with it.  It's not a slow burn, its a back draft until I burn out every possible source of heat.

This happened about a year ago.  My hyperfocus on painting the entire house came to a stand still.  The thought of opening a paint can, spreading out the plastic and cleaning painting brushes made me physically sick.  So I started projects on the exterior of my house, the fence, the deck, the shed.

Today, the master bedroom remains untouched, unloved and a constant reminder to me that I have work that needs to be done, put off, and incomplete.  It would take a good week to complete the master bedroom and bath.  I could find the time to do it, but can't seem to find the motivation.

I had a closing with a great couple last week who I admire very much.  At the walk through the night before, they were discussing what needed to be done to their new house, and immediately started to organize a strategy for accomplishing the plan, discussing who would deal with each detail and established a deadline for completion of the project. WOW!  I thought, "if only I had met someone early in life that was my friend, my lover and my partner, how much more could I have accomplished in my lifetime?"

Now wait a minute.................if these two were single, they would most likely have approached the plan on their own in the same manner.  Right?

Well crap, that means that if I had met the most perfect mate, it wouldn't have changed who I am.I would most likely still struggle with the same things I struggle with as single person.

Driving to their closing the next morning, I thought about my previous relationships and I realized that there were many times that I blamed the significant other in my life for some of the things that I had not accomplished.  And that's just not fair to someone that you have professed to love.  I may or may not have verbally expressed to them that I blamed them, but I'm sure that it affected the relationship.

There were very valid reasons that my marriages ended and that I chose to sever ties.  I would not wish to rekindle or rework any past relationships, but I do realize that I contributed to the dissolution.

If not for my decision to just quit dating and spend time on myself, I'm not sure that I would have realized that many of the problems I had in past relationships, I still have outside of a relationship.  If I can't resolve them myself, I can't expect someone else to resolve theirs.


 

 

Dinner for One? Yes, please.

I started this blog four years ago to document my journey moving to a new area with a new love interest and the goal was to start a new life.  I was optimistic and with an adventurous spirit sold the home I loved, packed up and took off!

The Little Brown Cottage was purchased and I set about improving, designing and nesting.  I worked hard both in my career and in my personal life and I decided, for once in my life, to put much effort into finding a balance between the two.  Here are the photos of the finished project.

Situated on 8 acres this tiny home in the woods felt more like home than any other place I had ever lived.  The setting was beautiful!

New doors, new floors and a whole lot of painting later.  This home turned out so charming and warm!

While renovating this home, which I had thrown myself into, my new relationship was coming to an end.  I lived there several months after the breakup and continued to put the finishing touches on this adorable cottage in the woods.  Looking back, I think fondly of this place.  It was a magical place of self discovery.  I don't think of it as a place where my relationship fell apart, I think of it as rite of passage or a window to the beautiful place my heart would take me to today.

Goodbye to my Little Brown Cottage!

Girl Power!

The real estate market has been very challenging in the last five years.  With the rising number of foreclosures, short sales and sellers who have to come to the table with a check, the market for buyers, sellers and real estate professionals has become somewhat moody.  One of the biggest changes for me personally, is the relationship we have with the seller.  Before 2006, when the seller came to closing, he/she was very excited to pick up their check and move on to greener pasture.  They were great to work with when the buyer's lender or the buyer requested repairs because they were motivated to pick up the check.  In today's market, depending on a seller's situation, they may have purchased their home for more than the current buyer has offered.  So when they are approached with a repair request, it's like adding insult to injury for them.  "What more do they want from me?"

Real estate has been and remains today a long term investment.  Much like the stock market, it has fluctuated historically and home ownership is still the key to investment diversification.  Those who purchase homes, work on savings and investment will fair much better in their retirement years than those who do not.

There are opportunities in any real estate market, and the market we are experiencing right now is no exception to this rule.  The most encouraging trend that I have personally witnessed is the number of independent, young working women who have purchased homes.  They are hardworking and very thrifty savers.  These women have been very careful and prudent buyers who have purchased homes with loans at all time lows and if they remain in these homes for the next five years could impact the economy in very positive ways in the coming years.

Oh and yes, I have seen many single young bachelors make the move to purchasing homes instead of renting and waiting until they are married.  They too have been careful and prudent savers.  These young buyers are buying five maybe ten years sooner than my generation bought homes.

I'm very impressed with this Generation X!  And on that note, here is a photo of one of those proud young clients who purchased the most adorable cottage.  She is busy with landscape and is having a blast making it hers!

What Happens When a Real Estate Agent Sells Her Own House?

Oh.....I'm so glad you asked!  When a real estate agent who works 60+ hours and has her phone stuck to her ear and is constantly checking email and text messages on her Droid, this is what happens.....

Notice that thirty minutes prior to closing, I just tossed my winter coats over the display case which was the only available space left in this huge rented storage space, which by the way, did not hold all of my furniture!! 

Its a miracle I got it moved by the deadline and it wouldn't have happened without a lot of help from my mom, Kay Van Kampen , my step dad and Doug!  Thank goodness for them!!

I always tell my clients to have a Plan A and Plan B.  If you close on time where will you live, and if you don't close on time, what is your plan?

Well, Plan A is to purchase another home and effortlessly, simultaneously close both and live happily ever after.  Plan B is to move into a short-term rental, RV park or hotel.  My Plan B?  Move in with my mom (pronounced MAWMHH).

So.......here's my room!  I just brought a few clothes with me...........

Yes there is a closet in this room and it is so full, everything I pull out is wrinkled and yes, there are two freestanding wardrobes full as well.

So......I will find time this weekend to look for my own home......most likely.....

Dress Up Your Fireplace

In our market area, there were many homes built in the late 70's and early 80's with wood paneled walls and native Missouri rock fireplaces.  If you are searching for a home,  don't rule out these homes which can be great values.   Here are some ideas to lighten and brighten these spaces.

Many of these rock fireplaces were constructed using black mortar between the rocks and made the fireplace look very dark and in contrast to today's light and bright modern interiors.

One of my many talented clients considered taking a pry bar and a hammer to her fireplace, but decided that if she lightened up the fireplace it might fit in nicely with her colorful country decor.  She literally went over the black mortar with an off white and really changed the look of her fireplace.  You will also see in this photo that she also painted the paneling which really changed the look of the living space.

What a huge difference! 

OR:

If you do opt to completely remove the rock and your tastes run to something more contemporary, in this next photo my client decided to keep the original mantel but replaced the surround and hearth with a beautiful marble.  When my client originally bought this home, the fireplace was not featured in the photos.  We currently have this home on the market and the fireplace is now the focal point of this living room.

The warm colors of this living room are all tied into the fireplace. 









You can view the tour of this home at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXfZ9vkZbu8

I am a Buyer's Agent for Kay Van Kampen in Ozark, Missouri.  Kay also happens to be my mother.  I love my career and love helping my clients find new homes and love, love how they make these homes their own!  I have some very talented clients.  I started this blog to share my story and my clients' stories as well as we all travel through life all looking for a place to call home.

My journey is much like that of my clients.  In a tough economy, many of my clients have reevaluated what is really important in life and many have downsized and then there are some who had the opportunity to take advantage of the market and bought homes that gave them new opportunities to expand and express themselves.

In 2006, I built this house.

This was my dream home.  I spent months planning and researching products and floor plans because both of my boys planned to attend college nearby and I wanted them to have the entire second floor to themselves and give them some much needed "adult" privacy but really wanted them to stay home.

I loved this kitchen!!! It was everything I wanted and so much more.  I went 20% over budget in this one room, but boy it really paid off.

I sold this home in 2008 when I divorced and even though I miss this home (not the exhusband), I was ready to find my "single and in my 40's home" that I could manage all by myself and I was really excited.  I had never shopped for a home that met just my requirements.

So I found this home.....1500 something sq. feet plenty big for just me!  Mom actually shopped with me and we both said "This is it!" at the same time!

Much smaller kitchen, much smaller bedrooms, but so much more manageable and the payment was much more reasonable. 

WELL......I didn't expect to meet Doug.  We have the best time together and we've both been through alot of the same things.....we're different....but we're the same in so many ways.  And now.....everything is better when we are together.  So I sold this home and officially live with my mother.  When this home went under contract, I had planned to move in with Doug who lived on his family's farm until we found "our" home.  Doug's family farm was hit by a tornado and he is now living in an RV.   So goes the story, so goes the beginning of this blog.  Our journey to find a home, and a place to share some of my client's talented renovations.