I'm the Problem? Whhhaatttt?

When I made the conscious decision to stop dating all together, I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I just wasn't emotionally in the right place to make good decisions.  So I quit.

I immediately started working on the house and my career.  That's what I do. I go into a hyperfocus and I'm good at what I do.  When I am passionate about a goal, I can throw every waking moment and even my dreams into this one purpose, this vision.  It consumes me night and day, until all of a sudden, out of the blue, I am completely bored with it.  It's not a slow burn, its a back draft until I burn out every possible source of heat.

This happened about a year ago.  My hyperfocus on painting the entire house came to a stand still.  The thought of opening a paint can, spreading out the plastic and cleaning painting brushes made me physically sick.  So I started projects on the exterior of my house, the fence, the deck, the shed.

Today, the master bedroom remains untouched, unloved and a constant reminder to me that I have work that needs to be done, put off, and incomplete.  It would take a good week to complete the master bedroom and bath.  I could find the time to do it, but can't seem to find the motivation.

I had a closing with a great couple last week who I admire very much.  At the walk through the night before, they were discussing what needed to be done to their new house, and immediately started to organize a strategy for accomplishing the plan, discussing who would deal with each detail and established a deadline for completion of the project. WOW!  I thought, "if only I had met someone early in life that was my friend, my lover and my partner, how much more could I have accomplished in my lifetime?"

Now wait a minute.................if these two were single, they would most likely have approached the plan on their own in the same manner.  Right?

Well crap, that means that if I had met the most perfect mate, it wouldn't have changed who I am.I would most likely still struggle with the same things I struggle with as single person.

Driving to their closing the next morning, I thought about my previous relationships and I realized that there were many times that I blamed the significant other in my life for some of the things that I had not accomplished.  And that's just not fair to someone that you have professed to love.  I may or may not have verbally expressed to them that I blamed them, but I'm sure that it affected the relationship.

There were very valid reasons that my marriages ended and that I chose to sever ties.  I would not wish to rekindle or rework any past relationships, but I do realize that I contributed to the dissolution.

If not for my decision to just quit dating and spend time on myself, I'm not sure that I would have realized that many of the problems I had in past relationships, I still have outside of a relationship.  If I can't resolve them myself, I can't expect someone else to resolve theirs.


 

 

Dinner for One? Yes, please.

I started this blog four years ago to document my journey moving to a new area with a new love interest and the goal was to start a new life.  I was optimistic and with an adventurous spirit sold the home I loved, packed up and took off!

The Little Brown Cottage was purchased and I set about improving, designing and nesting.  I worked hard both in my career and in my personal life and I decided, for once in my life, to put much effort into finding a balance between the two.  Here are the photos of the finished project.

Situated on 8 acres this tiny home in the woods felt more like home than any other place I had ever lived.  The setting was beautiful!

New doors, new floors and a whole lot of painting later.  This home turned out so charming and warm!

While renovating this home, which I had thrown myself into, my new relationship was coming to an end.  I lived there several months after the breakup and continued to put the finishing touches on this adorable cottage in the woods.  Looking back, I think fondly of this place.  It was a magical place of self discovery.  I don't think of it as a place where my relationship fell apart, I think of it as rite of passage or a window to the beautiful place my heart would take me to today.

Goodbye to my Little Brown Cottage!

Dress Up Your Fireplace

In our market area, there were many homes built in the late 70's and early 80's with wood paneled walls and native Missouri rock fireplaces.  If you are searching for a home,  don't rule out these homes which can be great values.   Here are some ideas to lighten and brighten these spaces.

Many of these rock fireplaces were constructed using black mortar between the rocks and made the fireplace look very dark and in contrast to today's light and bright modern interiors.

One of my many talented clients considered taking a pry bar and a hammer to her fireplace, but decided that if she lightened up the fireplace it might fit in nicely with her colorful country decor.  She literally went over the black mortar with an off white and really changed the look of her fireplace.  You will also see in this photo that she also painted the paneling which really changed the look of the living space.

What a huge difference! 

OR:

If you do opt to completely remove the rock and your tastes run to something more contemporary, in this next photo my client decided to keep the original mantel but replaced the surround and hearth with a beautiful marble.  When my client originally bought this home, the fireplace was not featured in the photos.  We currently have this home on the market and the fireplace is now the focal point of this living room.

The warm colors of this living room are all tied into the fireplace. 









You can view the tour of this home at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXfZ9vkZbu8

I am a Buyer's Agent for Kay Van Kampen in Ozark, Missouri.  Kay also happens to be my mother.  I love my career and love helping my clients find new homes and love, love how they make these homes their own!  I have some very talented clients.  I started this blog to share my story and my clients' stories as well as we all travel through life all looking for a place to call home.

My journey is much like that of my clients.  In a tough economy, many of my clients have reevaluated what is really important in life and many have downsized and then there are some who had the opportunity to take advantage of the market and bought homes that gave them new opportunities to expand and express themselves.

In 2006, I built this house.

This was my dream home.  I spent months planning and researching products and floor plans because both of my boys planned to attend college nearby and I wanted them to have the entire second floor to themselves and give them some much needed "adult" privacy but really wanted them to stay home.

I loved this kitchen!!! It was everything I wanted and so much more.  I went 20% over budget in this one room, but boy it really paid off.

I sold this home in 2008 when I divorced and even though I miss this home (not the exhusband), I was ready to find my "single and in my 40's home" that I could manage all by myself and I was really excited.  I had never shopped for a home that met just my requirements.

So I found this home.....1500 something sq. feet plenty big for just me!  Mom actually shopped with me and we both said "This is it!" at the same time!

Much smaller kitchen, much smaller bedrooms, but so much more manageable and the payment was much more reasonable. 

WELL......I didn't expect to meet Doug.  We have the best time together and we've both been through alot of the same things.....we're different....but we're the same in so many ways.  And now.....everything is better when we are together.  So I sold this home and officially live with my mother.  When this home went under contract, I had planned to move in with Doug who lived on his family's farm until we found "our" home.  Doug's family farm was hit by a tornado and he is now living in an RV.   So goes the story, so goes the beginning of this blog.  Our journey to find a home, and a place to share some of my client's talented renovations.